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How do I know if my friend is a good friend?

ask laeney friendship tween advice

Ask Laeney is an advice column for tweens written by BaseCamper Laeney. Laeney (pronounced LAY-nee) is in junior high in a western state and is busy trying lots of different activities. She has a twin sister (not identical), an older sister in high school, and two cute dogs.  Ask Laeney questions about being a tween and she will respond on this site. Email her at [email protected] 

Dear Laeney, 

How do I know if my friend is a good friend? 

Emma W.


Hi Emma,

There are many ways to determine if a friend is a good friend.  But I think it all depends on what you want in a friend. And what you want in a friend you have to do back. It’s reciprocal.

Instead of looking at all the flaws in our friend (that’s what we tend to do if we are determining if something is good) look at the good parts of your friend. If they listen to you, comfort you, and truly appreciate being around you, then often they are probably a good friend.

But let’s say your friend doesn’t seem to care for what you have to say, tends to dominate the conversation, or make hurtful comments. They probably aren’t the best of friends for you. That doesn’t mean they are a bad person. It just means they aren’t for you. You can kinda think of it like dating in a way. Friends should bring you up and not down.

And to end this I am going to leave you off with a question, are you a good friend?